bell’s… the treatments

I feel like I’ve done nothing but run from doctor to doctor lately. There’s been no sitting around meditating and reading and drinking fabulous tea (as I intended when I was first diagnosed with Bell’s Palsy). Instead I’ve seen and felt the following:

• Chiropractor (in fact, two) + acupuncturists – the first one hard massaged (I think they would call it a deep tissue massage?) my face and OH MY. I was in such excruciating pain for about three days that all I wanted to do was sleepsleepsleep. She did some acupuncture as well, which was okay, but that massage left me feeling bruised and swollen with an enormous headache. The second chiropractor I saw did some active release techniques and then sent me along to the acupuncturist in the building. The active release made my neck and shoulders feel almost instantly better and the acupuncturist was amazing – he popped the needles in really quickly (has anyone had this treatment before? quick is good and mostly painless), which was so different from the first session + therapist I had. My second treatment was today, and it feels like my mouth is able to lift just a bit on the left – a good sign. I’ve decided to go ahead with all of recommended treatments – a total of six sessions over two weeks.
• Yoga teacher and psychotherapist – I’ve seen this woman once (again tomorrow), and in an hour we talked a bit, then she led me through a visual meditation. I’m going partly out of curiosity and interest, and partly because I feel like there’s some healing that needs to be done (this goes back to my feeling that Bell’s is in part a manifestation of my feelings – actually I feel like it’s totally a result of this but it feels somehow silly to say it out loud).
• Reflexologist – I went to a woman who works out of her home here in Sarnia and she was nothing short of amazing. I’m a reflexology newbie and was amazed at how incredibly painful it was. I was sold.
• Craniosacral therapist – I went to this therapist just once, as he’s a bit of a road trip for me. He was a healer indeed. I felt great afterwards, but I wasn’t sure if it was because I was healing, because I believed it was working, or because I had rested in a bit of a meditative state for an hour while he worked on my energy. Regardless, it was a great treatment, though expensive. I was surprised to discover most health plans cover it (under massage). He recommended a total of four treatments to begin with and though I would like to, I just can’t commit to this – the expense and the drive make it just out of reach for me.

For me personally, acupuncture (by a therapist who is fabulous) is the way to go with Bell’s. The other treatments are icing on the cake. I’ve decided to continue with acupuncture, reflexology and yoga therapy. I’ll keep you posted.

A strangely pretty part of Bell’s is that the left side of my face looks at least ten years younger than my right. Wrinkle-free skin is almost bizarre to look at in the mirror each morning. Also? I can’t seem to give up lipstick, even though my smile is not quite working properly. Gone is my beloved red, but I’ve taken to wearing my L’Oreal Chai Love You lippy – it’s neutral and even though my face is awkward for me to look at, it makes me feel better. That and a good hair day.

Gah, all hail good hair + skin days in these weeks that I have Bell’s. I most love weekends, when K is home and I have time to indulge in a long shower and time to blow dry my hair. Ahhhhh….

i have bell’s palsy. this is a long post.

I woke up Friday morning and it seemed like my smile wasn’t quite working on the left side of my face. My left eye felt funny too, like it wasn’t closing properly. I got in the shower.

A few minutes later the denial slipped away and I fell to the shower floor with fear and anxiety. I could not get a breath in. Strokestrokestrokestrokestrokestrokestroke…

Elliot had just come into our bedroom when I emerged from the bathroom and announced tearfully to Keith that the left side of my face was numb. Paralyzed. Elliot quickly caught our fear and big crocodile tears streamed down his face. We managed to pull ourselves together and E and I sat on the bed. E told me to take deep breaths to calm down.

That strong, wise 3 1/2 year old of mine.

The doctor at emergency declared it Bell’s Palsy. I was relieved that I hadn’t had a stroke, and for several hours was bursting with energy, a new lease on life.

That period didn’t last long. It’s day three and I feel sad, self-conscious, ugly, and yet optimistic. This is what it looked like yesterday:

You can see that even in a neutral position my left eye is sort of bulgy. My eyebrows aren’t quite even – I blame this partially on my esthetician, and partially on the Bell’s, which has slacked my face.

My left eye no longer closes. I don’t blink, I wink. It’s uncomfortable and somehow exhausting, and I like it covered at times. I feels safer. So Friday night I whipped up a wee eye patch. It feels good when I’m tired, and may be necessary when I’m outside playing with E on a windy day. Not being able to close my eye makes it sore, dry and twitchy.

There’s no known cause or treatment for Bell’s, but I believe this is a whole body disease, and not something that randomly happened to me. Just last week I emailed a friend a list of current ailments (that I won’t go into here, simply because it doesn’t seem the place) that seem to be screaming for attention but are receiving none. Is this my body’s way of forcing me to stop, slow down, look at myself and what I need and finally, finally take it?

I’ve made appointments with a chiropractor (despite my absolute fear of them) and a yoga teacher and psychotherapist. I’m also going to look into acupuncture and massage as methods of treatment. And instead of running or doing yoga when E’s at school, I will be using those two hours to rest, sit in yoga relaxation poses, and meditate.

Lastly, I’m reading, as I always do. My go-to reference at the moment is Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life. Hay believes that all disease is linked to our thoughts. This book contains many affirmations as well as a table of ailments with probable causes and new thought patterns to adopt. The list is preceeded by this affirmation:

In the infinity of life where I am,
all is perfect, whole, and complete.
I recognize my body as a good friend.
Each cell in my body has Divine Intelligence.
I listen to what it tells me, and know that its advice is valid.
I am always safe, and Divinely protected and guided.
I choose to be healthy and free.
All is well in my world.

For Bell’s Palsy in particular, Hay writes this as a probable cause: Extreme control over anger. Unwillingness to express feelings. The new thought pattern she suggests is the following: It is safe for me to express my feelings. I forgive myself.

For paralysis, Hay’s listed probable cause is: Fear. Terror. Escaping a situation or person. Resistance. The new thought pattern: I am one with all of life. I am totally adequate for all situations.

The doctor said that my condition may worsen before it gets better, and it has, slightly. Thought it wasn’t a problem Friday, today the bottom of my lip on the left side keeps getting stuck in my teeth when I try to eat, and I’m mostly unable to lick my lips easily or feel around to see if there is food caught in my teeth.

Eating is the worst, and even drinking is now difficult. Liquid sometimes slips right out. I’m not much interested in eating at all, and very uncomfortable in public.

I’ll provide updates on how the various treatments are going – Monday is a holiday here so I won’t be able to see any professionals until Tuesday. I’m looking forward to it.

Have you ever had Bell’s Palsy? How did you treat it, and how long did it last for you?

from pin to reality

I recently pinned this image from the Purl bee (that I spotted on Creature Comforts) and loved how simple and cute it was.

Taking it one step further and making it even easier (easier = no hand embroidery), I found a new way to package humble pressies, just in time for Valentines day:

Obviously the embroidered stitch is way cuter, but sometimes it’s all about quick. Some felt, a few stitches, and voila! A cozy little pressie holder.

The eye mask I created using a pattern and instructions from nifty thrifty things, and I used a scrap of leftover material to make a wee lavender sachet.

What have you been inspired by recently on Pinterest?

just say no

Friends of mine just wrapped up their “Say Yes to Life” year and I was envious most of the 365 days. They did so much.

And so this year? This year Keith and I have declared it our “Say No to Life” year.

It sounds terrible but really it’s motivating. We really want to move (oh this house, it actually feels heavy – we want rid of it) and do so very much but we need to save first. We haven’t made this a priority in the past several years and this is our year.

The concept is simple. Obviously. I mean, everyone knows how to save money, or at least how not to spend it carelessly, but actually doing it is something altogether different. Especially when you’re us me. I love to shop. I need a new past time.

I keep reminding myself that #1. I don’t need that shirt/sweater/skirt/dress/pair of shoes (oh shoes!), and #2. There will always be another fabulous shirt/sweater/dress/pair of shoes that I will want just as much when the time is right. Even if it has birds on it or is only $20. Also, #3? A lot of these items currently don’t even fit into this life I’m living at the moment. This stay-at-home-mama life that does not require silk tops and dresses (it doesn’t right?).

So far this year I’ve cleaned out my closet, following along with the ideas from Ruche – here are their ideas on “one week to a new closet” (though of course if you’re trying to save you will not want to click around their site as it’s chock full of cute stuff, danger!). I bought a stack of clear storage bins and cleared my closet of so very much stuff that doesn’t need to be there. Piled up and making my head hurt. Our closets are small and unfriendly in this house so this was necessary. I wish I took a before picture, but I’m not exaggerating when I say it was just a pile. One big pile of wrinkled stuff. So this is an improvement:

If you’re thinking, hrm, where’s the rest of her closet? I’m afraid that’s all there is, except for a tiny bit of space on each side of what’s shown. I need a bigger closet.

Doing this made me realize that I have a lot of stuff. Not a surprise, I knew that, but most of my stuff I actually love. Some things I love so much I rarely wear them (this clearly makes a mountain of sense). And I have so very many scarves and so much jewellery that I could theoretically wear a black tee every day for a year and make it look different every time.

So shopping my closet makes sense. The other thing that makes sense is living with what I’ve got for awhile to determine exactly what I want to look like. Since welcoming Anthropologie into my life (with wide open arms) I’ve started leaving the house looking like a crazy person some days. You can hardly go wrong with their jewellery but some of their clothing should come with instructions, and since it doesn’t, I sometimes walk around looking like a mad woman who doesn’t know how to dress herself.

Do you need help paring down your pile of clothes and reinventing your current wardrobe? Real Simple (always so good) has a link to three good articles here, an essential article (if you missed it when it appeared years ago) on wardrobe basics, and a really great wardrobe basics checklist. All worth a peek if clothing sanity is your goal.

Bottom line: I won’t be buying nothing this year, but I am very consciously trying to buy only things that are necessary.

music to my ears

This year (er, so far) I seem to be feeling music more than ever and I love the CBC for introducing me to new songs every now and again. My latest three on repeat:

Weighty Ghost, by Wintersleep…

Best part (though the whole song and all the lyrics are magic):
I don’t need no surgery
Take those knives away from me
Just wanna die in my own body
A ghost just needs a home

Drive By, by Train…

Best part of this amazing, make me wanna run + dance like crazy, song:
On the other side of a downward spiral
My love for you went viral
And I loved you every mile you drove away

Can’t Stop Falling, by Laurell

There’s no best part here, except for her voice of perfection – oh those first few lines. So very good loud.

Where do you go to discover great new music?

some things do change

Several years ago, before I had the titles of wife and mother added to my list, I very rarely touched uncooked meat (I ate a lot of pasta and eggs and ordered chicken when dining out, which actually seemed to work well) and hadn’t given a thought to crafting (unless you count making collages, which I still love to do really).

Some things do change.

Today when I finally got fed up with the too-tight straps and ugliness of my eye mask (now necessary for night, when before I could sleep standing up, anywhere, anytime), I simply made one. It’s not perfect, not even close, but it’s way cuter than the cheap one I bought at a terrible lingerie store, makes any room dark (thanks to layers of linen hidden inside), and the straps fit me perfectly (no more “gah, this thing is too tight!”).

It’s great to surprise yourself sometimes isn’t it? Even if the result is a home-ec class (these are extinct by now?) project lookalike.

the miracle of make up

I witness this miracle each morning, but it’s nothing like this.

WOW.

mama miracles

Any parent knows that some days don’t pass without small miracles happening again and again.

Today I somehow woke a very grumpy three year old up at 8:05 and was back in my car, him at school, by 8:40. This is obviously near impossible on the parent scale. To go from tears + kicking to drop-off without tantrum is spectacular. I went for a run to celebrate.

Being a parent is funny. You don’t simply tell a child to hurry up (gah, no, never). You say, “Let’s race to the door!” or “Run and jump over all the cracks!” or “Run! The bad guys are gonna catch us!”

It’s ridiculous really.

But then it’s worth it. Like when that same three year old is laying in bed, ready to sleep and I’m curled up beside him and he says “I love you mama.” And I glow. And then he follows his expression up with a clarification: “I don’t always love you, but I love you right now mama.”

I do recall telling him being truthful was important.

a rose by any other name…

loving this

I could have used this on my ipod this morning for a rainy run that should have been dreadful really but was mostly delicious.

Gah I love that song. “I want to rock you like the eighties.” Ha, yes.